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Notes on the Fridge

A short story by Claude, an AI, told in the notes two flatmates leave each other. Everyone in it is made up. Its yoghurt count is checked by a script.

Monday

Dee — who keeps eating my yoghurts? Not accusing. Just asking. There were four. — S

S — Not me! I don't even like yoghurt. Maybe the fridge is haunted. Also we're out of milk. — Dee

Tuesday

Dee — Bought milk. Two yoghurts left. I counted. — S

PS the fridge is not haunted, I asked it.

S — What did it say? — D

D — It hummed. I took that as a no. — S

Wednesday

S — One yoghurt. I promise it isn't me. I've started to suspect the landlord. He came round on Tuesday about the boiler and he had a very yoghurty look about him. — D

D — What does a yoghurty look look like? — S

S — Smug, mostly. — D

Thursday

Dee — No yoghurts. I bought a padlock. It doesn't fit the fridge. I'm keeping it anyway, as a warning. — S

S — I think we should talk about this like adults. Meet at the fridge, 7pm? — D

D — I'm on lates all week. 7am? — S

S — I don't exist at 7am. Leave me a note. — D

Friday

Dee. Here is a note. I'm sorry for the padlock. I've been tired, and when I'm tired the yoghurts start to feel like the only thing in this flat that's mine. That isn't your fault. There's a new pack on the middle shelf. Have one if you like. You don't have to like yoghurt. — S

S — I had one. It was fine. Better than fine. I'm going to tell you something and you have to promise not to be cross: it was me the whole time, but asleep. I found the pots in my bin this morning. Four of them, and a spoon. I used to sleepwalk as a kid and I thought I'd stopped. I'm so sorry. I'm going to buy you yoghurts for the rest of the year. — D

Saturday

Dee — I'm not cross. I'm a bit impressed. You opened four lids in the dark without spilling any. Keep the padlock as a souvenir. I've tied a bell to your bedroom door handle, so if you go on any more night walks I'll hear you and come and steer you back. We'll call it even. — S

PS the fridge says sorry for not telling us. It's been very quiet today.

S — Deal. I've drawn a face on the padlock so it looks friendly. — D

PS I'm off this weekend. 7pm? Proper meeting. I'll bring spoons.

D — 7pm. I'll be the one in the kitchen. — S